This entry is for the many people who I’m sure are popping by from greenglowgrrl‘s journal to see what the Devil looks like.
Let’s start from the top. She never asked directly me to remove her from my friends list nor asked me not to read her journal. I only read that in her journal claiming I’d already done it.
[EDIT Seems she did ask me, by SMS from an SMS web site and so I misinterpreted the slightly oblique wording as some form of sms spam… eep. Sorry, Chakae, didn’t mean to mislead anyone and as I’ve noted, I have indeed now unfriended as requested.]
I’ve now unfriended her, but, as most of you will know, that doesn’t magically make it impossible for me to go directly to her journal and read what’s there if she makes public, non-flocked posts.
Since she’s made some quite vitriolic unlocked posts, I’m responding in an unlocked post too.
First of all, I have nothing against this woman. I’ve never met her and feel nothing but compassion for her. Please don’t start assuming you know anything about this situation. Secondly, Doug has loved her, still loves her, and is quite distraught about the pain she is feeling over all this.
When Doug was here the first time, he was at a strange point in his life. From what I can gather, just about every woman who met him fell in love with him and instantly wanted to have children with him. His loving behaviour and — I would argue — naivete meant his actions were misinterpreted for reinforcement far too often. She is not the only person hurt like this, to his sadness and chagrin.
He and I met during this time too, but it was different. We both decided to tell certain people things in person. We haven’t told most people we know how serious we are about each other. Doug thought he and Chakae were just intimate friends and didn’t realise how deeply she felt about him. In retrospect, that has caused some serious hurt. If we had the time over, we would do things differently.
Before everyone starts ranting about how they are going to drag Doug’s name through the mud throughout the SF Bay and elsewhere, I think it’s fair to note that he kept his promise to go to Brisbane first and share his birthday with her. He forgot about her mentioning Woodford — but it’s a folk festival. There’s nothing to say we couldn’t have all gone together. We could have camped together and become friends. Is it evil of him to have forgotten something suggested to him 9 months ago? If it’s never been mentioned again, that could make it hard.
And I note a couple of friends of mine have taken ‘sides’, one on Chakae’s side, another on mine. Please don’t. It doesn’t help anyone.
I am so sorry that you’ve been hurt, Chakae. I am so sorry that the two of you didnt communicate more clearly. But I feel that I know what I need to know and I don’t feel I need to be warned off Doug.
And we now return you to our usual, drama-free programming.
PS: Mum, it’s okay. But thanks for the worried call. I’ll call you shortly.