It goes without saying that spells of this kind generally require a kitten;
At least one, more if there’s a storm brewing — the weather
Is a fickle assistant. As to breed, well — the more docile specimens
Tend to disrupt proceedings less. Location is your discretion: hotel
Or hovel, house or hole. Also string — the higher the level of minister
You wish to eradicate, the more complicated the thread.
First things first then: take three lengths, even, of unwaxed thread
And braid a circle, saying, I bind you, then slip it on the kitten.
It is imperative that you only whisper the name of the minister
— the only exception is made for extremely foul weather:
In the case of lightning, especially in a dingy or dark hotel,
Wait for the thunder and, for the most repugnant of specimens
Shriek their name — for all but the most intractable specimens
This will be enough to cause a ripple of horror to thread
Through their bones, regardless of which swanky hotel
They are currently swanning through, which smokey-eyed kitten
Is on their arm (they’re all men, of course), or whether
They are minister of border security and immigration or minister
For the meaninglessness of capital and work or minister
For the enduring belief in a quick fiddle of the books, or specimens
Of that old class of minister who believes they can weather
Any circumstances by standing by idly, the thread
Eventually catches up to them all. But we were collaring the kitten —
Back in that hovel or hostel, that homestead or hotel —
For the sake of simplicity, let’s say for now it’s a hotel
And that you’re dealing with a gutless creep of a minister
Responsible for the incarceration of innocents: the kitten
Will be restless and try to escape the collar; all specimens
Are possessed by their inhuman counterpart the moment the thread
Descends upon their neck. Assuming reasonable weather
And one kitten — well, let’s say, cloudy, foreboding weather
And you reduced to last ditch banishing spells in a hotel —
Whisper the name and at the last possible moment, tighten the thread.
The cat will thrash — the kit includes salve to minister
To any wounds incurred but we cannot guarantee specimens
Not handled correctly at this point. Do not let go of the kitten.
If all goes well, the kitten will go limp then vanish. The weather
Will brighten visibly. All specimens remaining should be returned via hotel
Security. As for the minister? If wanted dead, cut the thread.